How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
