my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
