does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
