drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
