Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
