can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
