All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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