im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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