I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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