i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
