"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
