Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
