He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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