Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize