I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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