True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
