During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
