So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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