True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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