Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
