Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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