peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
