And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
