Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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