why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
