he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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