Jerry, you need to find god
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
