Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
