i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
