Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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