4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
