im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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