sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize