Moan for me like Helen Keller
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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