There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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