He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
