I'm gonna have a badass scar
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Randomize
