Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize