I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
