i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
