That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
