Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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