Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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