he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just want nice things and good sex
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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