4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize