He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
