Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
