So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
