My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize