Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
