wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So much rum. So many feels.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
