Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
