Jerry, you need to find god
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
