Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I didn't notice because vodka
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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