we're blogging at a bar
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am naked and annoyed.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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