Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
