i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
