At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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