so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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