In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
