I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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