Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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