I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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