U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
