I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
