Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
