i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just threw up on my dentist
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
