it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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