meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
