haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
