I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
