I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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