I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
