I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
