The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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