Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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