I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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