you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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